destr0yy

a pr1son
a cage
walls closing in
air getting stale
breath's short
time's short
slowly ge3ting dark
dark
darker still

no future
lest recompense

no past
lest pain

today, a shadow
of pasts' sharp fangs

tomorrow frightens
brings new aches
to in the future,
haunt my past

thus my punishment
by bargain unknown
to suffer unending
in darkness i fear

friends all abandoned
this ship slowly sinking

and those who have hurt me
have done so too well,
leaving no soul but desire
to send them to hell

but with each new day
oh what can i say
i have learned many truths,
many are fleeting
as truth runs away
but one bares remembering
it dares not stray
the darkest of logic
the deepest despair

i will not escape here alive

The s0ngs of our failures

We all seem to try
To survive
to succeed
to change

I may be alone
in the simple fact
I fail

to live
to be accepted
to be understood
to be loved

I'm blank parchment
without ink
without pen

I'm without.

forever ago t0n1ght

trust is scarce
a rose in the sand
a fleeting chance
in this dying land

where once was lush
this land with trust
it's flowers grew
with each dawns' dew

but darkness came
with torrid fire
and famine spread
with burning desire
the days grew short,
and flowers too.
trust was gone,
replaced with blue.

then a spark
a glimmer of light
blue eyes opened
compassion within
a flower grew,
it dared to fight.

with nurture and care
trust grew strong
a tiny frame
wisps of blonde
brought to life
what had waited so long

and so grows the garden
it's contents golden:
trust
affection
kindness
reflection

loves' great ability
to soften,
yet harden

I d0 not r3ad the review5

Amb1tion i've found,
can lead 0nly to failure

f0ld

Dest1ny is false
today is a dr3am
the climate of the future
the patterns of n0w

their hand has been played

Let'5 get seri0us

I'd like to show you regenesis.
1 year ago, I was a conservative republican catholic.
I wasn't a good catholic, I fucked, lied, and abused substances.
I still believed.

I was a card carrying republican to the core. Without thought, I defended my party.
Without care, I bashed the others.

I came to a realization. That behavior has destroyed our world.
It's gone.

This Government I used to love is beyond recompense
hum4n nature is irreversible.
Capitalism has evolved into unbridled greed.

There's no such thing anymore as an honest buck,
or an honest fuck

There's no passion anymore. It's all for the resume,
for the mortgage,
for the time share.

The church? It's dead.
Religious institutions have killed Christianity.
Don't worship false idols?
Break your ties with the church,
because it's all they are
an Idol.
to worship.
to appease
to serve
to obey

Someone truly free doesn't allow others to interpret
His will
for them

I stopped this - at least within myself.
True neutrality.
Independent thinking. Independent acting.

It's never to late

A b3autiful lie

Look around y0u.
Friends
Family
Lovers
You'll n3v3r know what they truly think of you.
You're probably better off.

Rev1sit Genesi5

This world is fill3d with not but complicated bias, greed, and fear.
It's people, sheep.
It's shepherds, wolves.

Rising sl0wle

It's th3 tru7h in the darkness, and the light of the day

the m0on in the evening, and the lo\/e in your h3art

the pain in mine, that it will never be yours

G, Am, Bm, G, Dm

I wanna dance with you s0 bad right now.

u kno a l0t can happ3n

After Everybody falls asle3p....

Sunlight, bright, sweet, brillian7,

This has been one of the best weekends I've ever experienced.

Thanks to you,

honestly,

It was simply amazing,

ys0serious

Ev3ry1 expects me to try and help them

do what ever is possible to make their life better

Why won't anyone return the favor

i'm dieing.

so

so

so

slowly...

record of our failur3s

i miss u

iwish1wasn'ts0cod3pend@nt

The Blu3s will b blu

and then jealousy's green

All I can say is wow

You may never know

maybe I won't know either.

a min0r kord

....So Tonight I'll sing to you

can you hear me?

please?

Fo0lishness

Did I honestly think

Did I really believe

That there was any entity that could completely rem0ve all negativity from my life?

It's a black hole

A void

Fill it for me? Im not strong enough.

I feel empty

I think that making that promise to you,

god...it may have been a mistake

I thought you were better, you are my sister

Why is it that I feel

you aren't really listening?

We banged on blue drums

And called it blue grass...

I've tried.

I will keep trying

This new way of life

It's...

Difficult

with you in it

...

But you're here till the end

because you signed your name on me

with you're own blood.

Amaz3ment

I just spent a few moments, and read over all of my posts on this blog.

I was sad. But Then I was happy.

I was sad because I feel like a new person. I feel like the pain in the posts, The lack of faith, in God and humanity, and myself - i feel like that pain was keeping me from living my life.

I was happy because God, and some wonderful friends whom he worked through took that negativity from my life.

:)

New f0und glory

I once said I'd find a way around the walls and limits of w1llpower.

Found it.

Take a guess? Faith.

I'm draw1ng th3 line

Hi.
I created this blog a while back for one specific reason.
I figured If I had a means to channel my feelings - for anyone but no-one in particular to read, it m1ght be a useful tool in c0ping with depression and anxiety (of which I suffer from both)

Turns out it's mostly just nurtured my depression.
I attended a TEC retreat over the past weekend and it has completely turned my life around.
The idea now is that the me witnessed in the posts prior to this one remains in the past.

I learned something for sure, and want to quote a song by Bright Eyes - as I have done so many times in the past.

"I came upon a doctor, who appeared in quite poor health - I said there's nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself, he said oh yes you can, just take my hand - I think that it would help, so I sat with him a while, and when I asked him how he felt he said 'I think I'm cured, no in fact I'm sure of it, thank you stranger for your therapeutic smile'

---------------------this line marks the rebirth------------

Seriously, th1s time is different.
You'll see.

Natur@l Hi's

The pe0ple who say: go parachuting, climb a mountain, all that jazz, they just don't g3t it.

Nothing compares to an un-natural high. They last longer, feel better, and usually are less dangerous than jumping ou7 of an airplane...

Will y0u lie with m3?

And Just f0rget the worldd.

I don't want to be alone anymore. 

Machine Gun's and Cam3ra Lense

T0day is one of those "lier days"

Looks toasty warm

But tastes like a banana Popsicle.

H0t Nyvz

He's leaving you and all I am is excit3d.

What's wr0ng with that

Textbook Hom1cide

Taped lips and broken hearts,
Black wings and blank stares,
A deck of cards flipped to say, “Love.”
You’re every cliché in the book.

Crying blood and ember tears,
Teeth pressed down on razor’s edge,
Cigarette smoke against a darkened sky.
You’re just another set of lies.

An intense gaze; a candle skull.
Shattered glass and broken doors.
Blood splatters made from the paint in your drawer.
Your recreation to rile up the boring.

When a walk is made poetic,
Or the sunset whispers love,
Or the puddles are so called mirrors
That reflects your “tainted” world.

When dust is more than dirt,
When dark is more than vision,
When cold is more than weather,
Or when wings don’t just mean feathers.

You’re every cliché in the book.

--Comment much?: Emb3r Tears? I rather like that.

Fla5h .point.

Boom bo0m b0om boomb

Gonna shoot ya right down.

Off of you're feet.

When i7 might sav3 u

We've learned to run from anything uncomfortable.

No-one haz to kn0

Chanc3z Taken

Hope Embraced.

Take a r1ght at the left hand turn><

I hope that in th3 end, when we blow ourselves up...


Please God,
Make it a cloudless day -
I don't want anyone fooling themselves
Pretending it's not real.

I want to see that fat boy com1ng.

Dawn @ MidNight

Breaks through like a beacon of hope 

or

The white hot flash that ends all life

either way, 

Our time is short, live it?

Grav1ty

You have no idea how much I miss my shitty, uncomfortable bed when It's not there to be slept on. 

Returning home always is a pleasant experience

If only for a few moments. 

Hallelujah Under An 0ak Tree Sky

It's the somber, solemn, sad and depressing songs that put me in that god awful mood. 

When I'm alone.

I listen to it none-the-less

Why? 

Because on certain times It does the opposite, I feel 

better? 

Only time will tell.

Que Sera S3ra

Welcome to the cruel world.

Why the surprised l0ok? We made it so.

War, Just a sh0t away

You could sit at home, and do absolutely nothing, and your name goes through 17 computers a day. 1984? Yeah righ7, man. That's a typo. Orwell is here now. He's livin' large. We have no names, We are nameless

Could it b3

Th3 beast in me caged by fragile bars.

You've probably seen him, he dresses in mi clo7hes.

R1ght n0w

You're the only reason I'm not letting g0.

Ab0ve GrouNd Bas3ment

All Bets are off n0w

It's out of our handz

Br3ath 0ut

I want t0 be a sa1nt but the D3vil won't let me.

It's a mad world, we live in.

She saNg

Slow - how you wanted it to be.

I wish I could stop but I just can't

Jus7 t0 g3t h1

The voice of life - it's a somber one. 

We bUrn't th3 forest down

Sometimes that's the only way to discover a hidden gold mine.

Eye D1dn't kn0 they wer3 vampyres

Can we peer pressure the world's economy into not sucking?

C'mon! All the kool kid's are doing it.
It's just conformity, who's going to notice!
It'll feel sooooo good, and people will talk nice about you
Being Hiiiiigh is so much better than being low.

Forget it, you're not worth it.

I'm n0t a shoulder to cRy on

No, sorry. But never again. Eternity is too long a time.

It's a1l "Part oF th3 Plan"

You know what? Maybe you made some terrible life choices. Maybe not. How could you accuretely predict a futures market in your ever expanding knowledge? Especially when you were in your prime. 

The Past is the past and I'll let y0u have that,

But now that I'm someone finally, Don't expect me to be there for you 

I'm not like her,

I'm not slaving away to be an extension of your bank account. 

Honestly, you're lucky to be alive. 

I wAnt a y3llow b1rd...

The end of paralysis. 

Do your thoughts sometimes frighten you? Mine do. 

Ye@h they weNt Wild >>

Grey light, new day, leaks thru th3 window 

We all try to say how much things are about to change. This is our last beer. Our last cigarette. I'm going to start eating healthy tomorrow - this is my last burger. In reality, our goals seem to outweigh our willpower. It sucks. Going to find some way around it - promise

You'll s3e

Gu3ss your n#mber

1. I really do think you're an amazing person - if you could mature past your vanity obsession and shallowness problems - I can imagine being with you forever - but I don't think things work like that. You're not that type of person. I hope I'm wrong.

2. You don't have to put up all of your walls. I'm Here, I can be there for you if you gave me a chance. I do love you.

3. Get a girl.

4. I worry about you destroying your life in some stupid display of you. You're not sick, and you don't have anything wrong with you. Like #1 you have terrible vanity problems, and strange enough, those problems are directed differently. You're self-obsessed with your outward attractiveness, you don't seem to even care that everyone thinks your beautiful the way you are. Go ahead though, develop a mental disorder and almost die. We'll still love you, probably.

Could it really b3 this simpLe?

How To Save A Life:

Step One: Talk

thats It

The Gr3at Tragedy

If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything. Oh, why then, can't we assume people fake their way through their meaningless lives? They do. Almost all do. It gets to a point when you can't find anything that appeals to you - jobs, relationships. 

It all gets sour, bland.

Selfishness, it's human and you know it.

There is no I in team, but maybe in another language

Get going, drag your feet back to work

How about th1s

Writings on the wall -

It's begging for attention. 

Nothing more.

Nobod-e but y0u

Annihilation Declares its day.

FAtE

I was introduced to a website today. 

Saf3 to say it's changed my life forever.

Oh, by the way, I'm not telling you the website, 

go discover one for yourself. 

Time to stop being a sheep...

L1ght as @ F3ather

All I've ever wanted is to feel as though I'm en0ugh....

Too much to ask?

Is it Bright Where U R?

In a world where prayer is not but deception,
People fool themselves until the skies part,
Ragnarök's revelation.
Armageddon. Judgment Day

100 years of Gasoline Powered Vehicles,
200 Years of Toxin-Producing Factories

1 Dieing Planet. That's kind of cool huh?

Stand back in awe of our power,
eyes to the skies that we've burned

sing a dirge for the planet. A Dirge for the earth.

I w0n't give up on a miracle

But who's to say it won't give up on me?


Hello? I'm still here...

Alone.

We did this to ours3lves

They say life should be lived with no lies, just love.
Sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes lies aren't either.

Once the tower of fire crumbles,
and the earth shakes with despair,
then - we will know what it's like to truly be without.

No Lies, No Love,
Just pure,
primal,
fear.

Live a life of fear. The end won't shock you near as much.

Down is Nort4

In this land that deceives, when the light of the moon shines down brightly,
observe a mournful silence and await judgment in the form of truth

The source of which comes from within,
It's honesty irrefutable.

With conviction like an arrow already in flight.
How long until it reaches you?

Feeling lucky? Luck has nothing to do with anything.

The Strang3st Dreams

When did the Mid-West become tropical?

Solace, sl1ghtly

At least, from a naive point of view, things will calm down a little now.

The Emb3rs Of ChanGe

Change? When did that become a lace-curtain finite definition associated with positive results?

When Hilter came to power, When Stalin Came to power. Pretty sure they called those things changes too.

When we nuked the Jappies. They changed. The transition from 'alive' to 'dead' is a definite change.

So stop oooohing and aaaahhhing when someone says 'I PROMISE CHANGE' when you have no idea what they mean.


Oh, yeah. Seems it's too late for that. S0rry.

So Lones0m I can't speak

Can someone who sits at home drinking - and losing faith in humanity by the moment be a massiah?

Where do you sign up?

I've got 2 Tin C@ns, do you hav3 a string?

I don't know what to post, but I feel like I should be making an entry for today - especially taking into consideration the volume of posts per day I usually net. 

Hey Jesus, can you hear me? 

Use your omnipotence,

Sign in as me,

and give us a good - yet entirely cryptic - entry. 

It's an 0dd thing,

Letting go,

Having fun,

Forgetting all troubles,

Being just like everyone else

It's great

No judgements,

Everyone's your brother

Why can't everyone just be like that - every day? Well I can say this: the world would be a better place for sure

Sub-miSsi0n

I like it when I'm on top.....
so just lay there and take it like a bitch planet earth...

Landslidez

Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance
Sadness - Anger - Envy

You've G0tt@ take it...

Some pe0ple just want to watch the world burn...

Tastes B1tter

Welc0me to Broken Glass Avenue.

We're your dreams fall like a shit from heav3n

Cha0s, it's...

...hers, quietly. 

Und3r rEd Lights

We're at war.

Tower 0ver m3

Sustan@nce

Is it dark wh3re you are? 

It is here...

Subst1tutionz

Vacation is a poor substitute for love. 

SHIFT H@pp3ns

Always.

People Shift,

Usually.

WeLL

Not taking chances means wasting your dreamz. 

Addicti0n

Whether good or bad, at least you have something 2 lo0k forward to. 

It's ra1n1ng : \

Open up y0ur eyes, and see like me

What Kind of PiE?

....oh, I hope it's cherry.

It's Tr00, ya know

You d0n't TOUCH the lima bean.

Please uSe caution...

Emergency exits can be found on both the left and right sides of the stock market. In the event of a crash, make your way towards the exits in an ord3rly fashion.

Cr@ptastik

ACCESS DENI3D!

Welcom3 to Wicked Creek!

Today shall be a go0d day.
Promise.

C@ke is a li3

Make war on who you were before,
if you survive,
you'll get cookies.

FinaLLy

I said thnks 4 th memori3s.
Even tho they weren't so great.

I feel so much better,
you couldn't im@gine.

I am n0t breakIng

but the world is

one2three

Take my hand and come with me,
because you lo0k so fine and I really wanna
make you disappear forever. ..

Fires nev3r burn

Wikipedia has a disambiguation of the query 'Life'

How ambiguous is that?

No to unsturdy hAnds

Go get your wounded heart

Fe@r of G0d

How many times has the devil caused a great flood - killing all but a select few?

Come to think of it, How many times has the d3vil killed anyone?

It's a v3rb

Love is a do word. 

TruSt

I spent my junior high years playing psychiatrist for my buddies,

I'm sure you know how that feels. 

Size M@tterz

Classif1cations tend to not work so well.

Especially when someone turns the tables.

Classifies you.

Pr3ssure feels good, huh? Sure tastes it.

0h LoRd...

...This is a devil town.

I was livin' in a devil town.

It really brings me down...

1mport@nt MEdical Informati0n

The side effect to mos7 things is: D3ATH

When/WHere

Our fre3dom'z a j0ke we're just takin a piss

D3ad Z0nez

i can c0mfortably define behavior as members of certain spherical zones. 

It doesn't matt3r what you call them

They all fit under the classifation of one parent:

Th3 ComfoRt Zone

We all 4get that comfortable doesn't get us anywhere in life.

Uncomfortable does.

Really now, c'm0n

You're a b3autiful human being, tell me more about god

-don't tell me too muc4 tho, you can't say much for someone your not.

Reflektion | noitkelfeR

The heart c@n b a pretty amusing device to fuck with.

SimPly Compr3hensi0n

We all se3m to think that we're h0t shit,
when in realitY we are far, far less than we kn0w

Y are Cal1fornian'S so darned flamIbl3?

[[ Picture ]]

It's an h0nest question, re@lly.

We're aLl in tr0uble

Wh@t happens whEn our psychiatrists and counselors are just as, if not, more messed up than us?

Then we're in troubl3.

Oh wait,
May-B if we'd realize that we're all about as messed up as the person next to us,
we'd real1ze that we've always be3n in trouble.
Some people simple have more refined coping engines.

Higher T1mes

I'd say it's entirely possible t0 assume that if you can kill someone, and you can kill yourself - Couldn't it be said that suicide and homicide could occur to the Soul as well as to the Body?

Here's the noggin scratcher. Which of the two, the normal dictionary term - or soulicide - is the more dangerous.

Just a 7hought

Vaca santa!

They say within 10 years China will be the country with the largest population of English speaking people.

Tha7s because the United Kingdom is a tiny place in comparison, Ireland is full of drunk tourists from the UK and US, and the United States is primarily latino.

Oh, to0 soon?

Inconv3nient Tru7h

We Americans are 18 days away from making the worst possible mistake at this point-in-time. Replacing a presid3nt who wasn't afraid to take action with one who talks about nothing but will jack up taxes to fund it.

Therein lies the problem with democracy.

Ireland looks nice, perhaps I'll chill over 7here for a while...
civil war sure beats this crap

embrace reality - th3n thiNgs might operate more smo0thly

It's relatively early still - the sun is up, yet the day grows darker with each passing moment
It's a desert out there, dead. bleak. desolate. What of the grass, trees and people? Disguises.

It's @ll a game,
ask yourself this:
Who's playing?